In one of my earlier blog posts last month, I started with the theme of letting go. While the last few blogs on letting go had to do with letting go of people in our lives who may be toxic or relationships that didn’t work out, I learned another important lesson this past week on letting go that had nothing to do with relationships turned sour. Since my youth, I’ve always had issues trusting people. This was in part because so many promises made to me as a child were broken. I’m sure other kids experienced this too. Parents making promises to give you something if you worked to earn it only to find out that it was a trick to get you to perform something – a bad lesson in trusting someone’s word.
There are other instances as we grow and learn that stem beyond childhood. A would-be friend you told in high school about a secret crush and begged not to tell anyone, only to find out a few hours later that others now knew you had the hots for a guy at the school – a lesson learned in not trusting someone to keep a secret. A college professor that says that certain subject matter will not be on the midterm exam only to discover that very same subject matter is riddled throughout the final exam instead – a lesson learned in taking someone’s words literally and that some people can be vindictive that way. Promising to love, honor, and cherish a man or woman in sickness and in health, good times and in bad, etc., only to discover that later down the line that same man or woman would treat you as someone less than who you are – a lesson learned in trusting that someone is or is not who you perceived them to be. You get the idea. We have trust issues on many levels.
It is hard to learn to give your trust to someone again once you’ve been burned one too many times. Even more difficult is to trust someone who is a complete stranger. Yet that is what we do each and every time we enter into relationships, new life situations, or ending a chapter in our lives that we’ve known for far too long in order to begin anew. This is what I was faced with this past week. Those who follow my blogs know that I have two children with Autism Spectrum Disorders, and each day is a challenge and presents itself with new opportunities to learn. This past week we lost one of our son’s services that he needs desperately to do well academically, behaviorally, and mentally. He lost his speech therapy and occupational therapy services due to miscommunication with the service providers, and misrepresentation on their part.
While this might not seem huge to some in my same situation, it is a big deal to us because WE, meaning my husband and I, were the ones who terminated the services. Long story short, the clinic providing the services seemed to be cutting the amount of time our son received services, while at the same time billing us for the full time services through our insurance. Since this was highly unethical to us, we terminated the services and asked for a new service provider. In dealing with our insurance and with the referring agency for a new speech and occupational therapy group for my youngest son, we were told that the wait list for the site best suited for our son was quite long and could take a few months. These services are essential for our youngest boy to be able to thrive and grow as an individual, and lack of services means there is a possibility that he will regress into old, detrimental behaviors, and forget many of the skills he learned. If you’ve never seen an Autistic child regress in behaviors, you can see an article about it here: https://www.autismspeaks.org/blog/2016/03/04/new-findings-regression-autism-researchers-perspective (New findings on regression in autism: A researcher’s perspective).
Knowing that we could not comfortably continue with the services we had for him currently, my husband and I had to leave things in the hands of those who referred us. We would just have to wait. I hate to wait, and it is more heart-wrenching to know that I can do nothing BUT wait for our turn. This is where I had to learn to let go and trust in someone else to do what was needed and in the best interest of my son. I had a couple sleepless nights this week overthinking all the possible scenarios of what might happen with my son if he did not get services in the next few weeks. I tossed and turned and ultimately gave in to exhausted sleep by the third night. It wasn’t until I met with our program manager for both children that my lesson in trust came. Maria, the program manager for both of our sons in the Autism program contacted me about my husband’s concern. She termed it as my husband’s concern because she was not aware that I was in on the conversation about correcting the services.
In talking with her, she reassured me that she would look into getting us the services referred to a more direct program service provider. I had heard this before, but in my exhausted and weary state, I simply had to tell her, “Okay.” That was it. I had to leave it in the hands of someone who could advocate FOR my son better than I could. It is not an easy thing to do for me because 1) he is MY son and as such I need to be the one to take care of his needs, 2) I was leaving my son’s therapeutic future in the hands on someone who was hired to deal with us, and 3) I have trust issues, which also makes me somewhat of a control freak (as I stated before). I had to let go and trust that Maria was a good person acting out of concern, even though she was assigned to work with us through her organization. I had to trust in her goodness and hope that she would do the right thing. Learning to let go and trust again is hard, especially when the future is so uncertain.
The Last Prophet book series is full of these examples of having to trust in the unknown, and especially trusting that someone is genuinely “good.” Our main characters often find themselves having to not only trust in the angels sent to them, but also their fellow man (or woman). They have to learn to “let go” of their control and trust that the One they’ve entrusted their life to will ultimately take care of them… that right will prevail and fairness will triumph. What person doesn’t want that to be the outcome? While some situations do not turn out the way we hope for, more often than not, when trusting and having faith in a Higher Power has shown that we will ultimately have what we need. It has worked in many twelve-step programs – trusting in a Higher Power to take care of us. The same can be true for us too. By trusting in the One we consider our Higher Power, or our Creator, or our God, we let go and find a freedom and liberation from worry beyond our control.
In my situation, I later learned that our case was sent directly to the scheduling department to find us an immediate placement within the next two weeks. This was not only an answer to prayer, but a blessing. It was also a lesson in letting go and trusting in human goodness. Maria pulled through for us and she made things move faster than we could have hoped for. Yes, trusting someone’s goodness and letting go of my own need for control has lifted a weight off my shoulders, and in the end, right has prevailed.
Have you had to place your trust in someone’s goodness? Were you able to let go of control? Comment in the space provided.
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